Hello my fellow Americans!!! (don't think I have any international fans....yet). I'd first like to apologize for not posting in so long because I know you've all been sitting at your computer, constantly refreshing my page, and twiddling your thumbs waiting with anticipation for a post. Have no fear, one is finally here!!! And what better way to make my comeback than discussing my favorite day of the year?! After getting over (actually still not over it but) the fact that I'm not in Tally for the 4th, I made it my mission to make it a great day. So if you guys like to plan ahead like I do, it's never to early to start planning for July 4, 2016!!
Here are 5 steps to having a totally awesome and 'murica filled day:
1. Parents leaving the country for 10 days.
Ahhh yes, how unfortunate it is that the 'rents have ventured off to Ireland for 10 days and leave me in America. But that also means I don't have to answer 948,284,394 questions a day, so planning for the big day becomes a lot less stressful when you don't have to worry about answering questions such as the longitude and latitude of where exactly I will be on the beach.
2. Dranks (and lots of them)
Honestly, go big or go home. Whatever your preference is, ~non alcoholic~ of course, drink the most you can because you're in America and when do we ever drink/eat rational portions of anything? Your dear friends and family may be calling you an alcoholic by the end of the day, but you're celebrating a birthday that's more important than your own, so they can get over it.
3. The early bird catches the worm
The bird is you getting to the beach at 10am and the worm is alcohol/parking/prime beach spot. Seriously, suck it up and get up early. It's the one day a year where getting to the beach early is **extremely** encouraged because the sooner festivities get going, the sooner you can start truly embracing your true ratchetness, and you also won't be THAT creeped out when you see a fat, old lady in the thong bikini (because no one wants to see that ish sober). Also you won't be totally judged by whatever embarrassing things you're doing because everyone knows the heat (or alcohol) has gotten to you.
4. American flag high top Converse
Sorry not sorry, but these babies were worth every single penny. (but seriously, they costed me 9,111 pennies). Despite the insults from my friends, I have gotten some pretty great compliments for my shoes, and even if they come from the ratchet lady standing behind me in the gas station.....a compliment is a compliment. They show off your America spirit and make you look cool girl.
Here are 5 steps to having a totally awesome and 'murica filled day:
1. Parents leaving the country for 10 days.
Ahhh yes, how unfortunate it is that the 'rents have ventured off to Ireland for 10 days and leave me in America. But that also means I don't have to answer 948,284,394 questions a day, so planning for the big day becomes a lot less stressful when you don't have to worry about answering questions such as the longitude and latitude of where exactly I will be on the beach.
2. Dranks (and lots of them)
Honestly, go big or go home. Whatever your preference is, ~non alcoholic~ of course, drink the most you can because you're in America and when do we ever drink/eat rational portions of anything? Your dear friends and family may be calling you an alcoholic by the end of the day, but you're celebrating a birthday that's more important than your own, so they can get over it.
3. The early bird catches the worm
The bird is you getting to the beach at 10am and the worm is alcohol/parking/prime beach spot. Seriously, suck it up and get up early. It's the one day a year where getting to the beach early is **extremely** encouraged because the sooner festivities get going, the sooner you can start truly embracing your true ratchetness, and you also won't be THAT creeped out when you see a fat, old lady in the thong bikini (because no one wants to see that ish sober). Also you won't be totally judged by whatever embarrassing things you're doing because everyone knows the heat (or alcohol) has gotten to you.
4. American flag high top Converse
Sorry not sorry, but these babies were worth every single penny. (but seriously, they costed me 9,111 pennies). Despite the insults from my friends, I have gotten some pretty great compliments for my shoes, and even if they come from the ratchet lady standing behind me in the gas station.....a compliment is a compliment. They show off your America spirit and make you look cool girl.
5. No r@gretz
Make George, John, Thomas, and James proud by being decked out in red, white and blue, and party like it's 1776. This phrase can be used in many situations. Here are some examples:
Honestly, this day is a marathon, and if you're luck is anything like mine, you'll end up with a cracked phone screen. But at the end of the day, you're living the American Dream, so what could be better?
Make George, John, Thomas, and James proud by being decked out in red, white and blue, and party like it's 1776. This phrase can be used in many situations. Here are some examples:
- *doesn't know anyone at party* This is prime finsta time (Click here if you don't know what a finsta is). There are so many opportunities for selfies, so don't limit yourself to just one. #noragretz
- *sees a bag of doritos* Open that bag up and eat it like you haven't seen food in years. If you do this, they'll probably be gone in about 13 seconds, but you'll have a satisfied tummy to say the least. #noragretz
- *needs to shower and look somewhat decent but lacks shower, toiletries, and towels" Go to the nearest beach club that you are not a member of, steal a couple of sandy, wet towels from the bin, and take advantage of the shampoo and conditioner in the locker room. It may not be the most soothing shower you've ever had, but it was free, and what's better than free things? #noragretz
- *first time seeing a high school acquaintance since high school* Act like you guys have been friends for years, and ask he/she some personal questions expecting answers. You should be drinking in this situation to keep things casual because the next time you run into them (probably sober), it will probably be uncomfortable. #noragretz
Honestly, this day is a marathon, and if you're luck is anything like mine, you'll end up with a cracked phone screen. But at the end of the day, you're living the American Dream, so what could be better?